In Another Life
by LoveyHowl
Summary: Lucrezia Borgia and Caterina Sforza meet for the first time after the death of Cesare Borgia.


I own nothing.

The Borgias S3E10

In Another Life

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It was a brisk November day in 1507. At the palatial Castello Estense, Lucrezia Borgia, by that time Duchess of Ferrara, was in the Gallery Room over-seeing her servants as they readied it for a party she would hostess for her husband and several artists and friends. It was to be an evening of fine food, wine and lively discourse and the final preparations were nearly done. She was about to leave to take the air in the Garden of the Oranges when she was approached by her maid and told that she had a visitor. When she asked and was told who it was that awaited her, a very definite and happy smile formed on her lips.

"Bring her to the Hall of Games," she instructed her maid as they walked out of the Gallery Room together.

"Caterina Sforza, Countess of Forli—to what do I owe, my Lady?" Lucrezia gave a small curtsey at her former nemesis.

"Lucrezia Borgia, Duchess of Ferrara—congratulations on your marriage—this one suits, I hope?" Caterina said after she returned the gesture.

"Caterina, you came all of this way to insult me? Why am I not surprised?"

"No insult is meant, I assure you, Lucrezia. I can see that everything suits you, my dear: this lovely castle; the whole of Ferrara, itself; the rosy bloom in your cheeks stemming from the new life that grows within you—I congratulate you again, my Lady, sincerely. How many is this for you now?"

"This one will make three for me. I do love my children, even this little bundle that has not even graced us with—his presence? Her presence?" Lucrezia spoke to her belly as she gave it a little rub, "But the birthing process...let us just say that, if I could, I would meet God face-to-face and give him quite the severe talking-to..."

Caterina could not suppress her surprised laughter. "Blasphemer, you are!"

"Yes, I've been accused by many of being that and more about this time in my pregnancy—it gets worse, I assure you."

"Oh, Lucrezia, you are a woman after my own heart," Caterina continued to chuckle, "but talk to me after you've had five."

"Talk to my husband," Lucrezia harrumphed at her then, "and tell him to stop—that would be the better proposition, I dare say," Lucrezia grumbled. "I was about to take the air—will you walk with me?"

"I would be delighted," said Caterina as she followed her hostess out to the garden. "In another life we might have been dear friends, I think," Caterina smiled at her.

"And hopefully less inclined to endeavor to kill each other at every possible turn, yes?"

Caterina laughed out loud again. "Incredible to think that after all of these years, and all that has passed between us this is the first time we've met face-to-face."

"It is, isn't it? After all that has passed between us..." Lucrezia's voiced trailed away into a very definite realm of melancholia.

"It is so beautiful here," Caterina said presently, hoping to steer Lucrezia back to her brighter self as she took in the beauty of the garden.

"Thank you, I do love it here, like nowhere I've ever lived before."

"And where are your lovely children now, dare I ask?"

"The children have just finished their studies for the day; I'm sure that Giovanni and Rodrigo are somewhere about the grounds terrorizing each other in swordplay; Cesare's daughter, Lucrezia is here with me now—she is most assuredly at her little work table, happily smeared in paint—quite a gifted little artist, she is. I shall gather them all together, for they should most definitely meet you, my Lady. I will forever remember you, Countess, flanked by King Charles, Giovanni and the French Army, sitting regally atop your horse in full armor outside the battlements of Vatican City; brave, defiant—ready to fight...it has always been one of their favorite bedtime stories."

"Ah yes," Caterina chuckled, "I hope the telling is kind when you get to the part about our defeat at the hand of your brother and his fake cannons."

"Of course it is the punchline, dear Countess, but I do you great honor as I describe the vision and the force that was the Tigress of Forli—we won the battle, but you are still the hero of that story. Lucrezia has painted you several times just from my own verbal recollections—you really must meet her, she will be ecstatic."

"I find myself greatly touched, Lucrezia, I would be honored to meet them all," Caterina said sincerely.

"Good," Lucrezia smiled happily at her. "And how have you been, Countess, and your family? I hear Pope Julius has made it possible for you to reclaim your lands."

"Ah yes, that. Pope Julius would have returned my fiefdom to me, but alas, my own people did not want me. I did have some recent legal difficulties with my brother-in-law but that is over now and I am happy to spend my days fussing over my children—and traveling about to see friends."

"Are we friends, Countess?" Lucrezia asked as she stopped walking and faced her guest.

"I would like us to be, Lucrezia."

"I would like that, as well."

The smiles the two women leveled at each other were sweet and almost coquettish as they took up their walk again.

"I hear that Villa Medici di Castello is absolutely breathtaking—I don't know how you ever find yourself able to leave it. I would love to see Boticelli's masterpieces someday with my own eyes," Lucrezia said then.

"Then you must return this favor and come be my guest soon."

"I would like that, Countess."

"Lucrezia," Caterina began delicately, "how are you? Really? It has been some eight months now..."

"How am I..." the happy smile faded from Lucrezia's lips. "I have not the words anymore to express that sorry state that I find myself so often slipping into, Countess. In another life...you might have been my sister-in-law maybe—Cesare told me about his carnal adventure with you at Forli—we were confidantes, always..." her voice trailed off as she reflected on her strange relationship with her brother.

Lucrezia had always wondered what kind of woman she could possibly be to love her brother so passionately yet be able to divorce herself from any jealousy over the many women he had taken to his bed, some of them even loved by him. There was his beautiful wife, Charlotte, whom she had met for the first time when she came to Cesare's funeral and embraced her with genuine love, that stemmed from more than just their shared grief; Cesare truly loved her and had told Lucrezia as much when he'd finally returned from France with his army, and she had been truly happy for him, as she was trying to be for herself and Alfonso. And there had been the Baroness before her, Ursula Bonadeo, whom Cesare had loved enough to kill for; and Caterina, whom he'd greatly enjoyed even though it all went to fresh hell quickly and ended with the death of her ex-husband and the beginning of much deadly discord thereafter.

"Yes, he was quite enamored of you, even more so that his ruse did not work" Lucrezia said as she came back to herself, "he quite favored women that were his equal. I like to think of all of those happy possibilities, even the most unlikely ones," she began wistfully, "that we might have been a real family and not just an alliance; that Cesare would be alive..." her tone turned angry and vehement, "...or that he would have told my father to go to the Devil and had just been the Holy man he should have been—for all of his treacherous ways and all the crimes he committed he was a holier man than my father. As surely as he did not even believe in God, or heaven and hell—he ministered to the people more piously than my father ever dared. My father: the politician; the plotter; the Pope who would dare to be King. Cesare was a soldier in his heart, but only because he thought it was the way to our father's; had he remained a Cardinal I dare say he would have gone farther and achieved that which he wanted most—and for himself alone. If only I could rewrite history so that my brother could still be here and at peace..." Lucrezia's voice gave out as the tears came to her eyes.

"He is at peace, now, Lucrezia."

"I truly hope that you are right, Countess," Lucrezia said as she wiped her tears away.

"Yes, we have both been through so much—if I were to write the story of my life, I would shock the world," Caterina told her conspiratorially.

"Yes, that may well be. But I would never deign to actually put my life to paper—it has been enough just living it."

"It may not be my place, Lucrezia, but I would hazard to say that everything your father did, he did for you...and your brothers...he did love you so..."

"My father," Lucrezia stopped in her tracks again and faced Caterina, "loved himself, first and foremost; and then Juan—between those two loves there was no room for anyone else. I and my dear brother Cesare were but pieces on a chessboard and that is all. How long has it taken me to get here? A place that I can call home and where no one manipulates my every waking breath?

"How am I? I miss my brother and I rail at God in my prayers every night that he is not here to have even a little bit of this peace that is possible to know on earth. Was he a criminal? Yes. Was he a murderer? Yes. Was he cruel and ruthless? Yes. Did he love? Yes. Did he grieve? Yes. Feel remorse? He did. Was he without sin? No. But who of us is? Could he have been redeemed? Was he worthy of redemption? Yes, as we all are. This gaping hole in my heart will never mend, Caterina—that is how I am."

Caterina reached out a comforting hand and placed it upon Lucrezia's arm, "I am sorry for your loss, Lucrezia, truly I am."

Lucrezia took Caterina's hand into her own. "And I apologize to you, for him and for my father. Too little, too late, I'm sure, but from the deepest part of my wounded heart, I assure you that I do."

There were tears in Caterina's eyes then.

"What really brings you here to see me, Countess?" Lucrezia asked after she had collected herself.

"I will admit that I expected no such candor from you, or such heartfelt regard. I too, was very touched by the enigma that was your brother, Lucrezia. He caused me great pain and sorrow; humiliation—he defeated me in every way that a man can—except one...your father alone can claim that dubious distinction."

"What are you saying, Caterina? I would have you be clear with me."

"Your brother, for all of the hurt that he caused me—and it amazes me still to be able to say it—showed me every kindness and total respect while I was your father's captive. Even as he marched me out to my golden cage, he..." her voice faltered.

"He what?" Lucrezia asked her softly.

"He...made me—offered me—his arm," she gasped, greatly touched by the memory. "In that one gesture, as much as I had preferred death to capture, I knew that there was love in him—for me." In her voice and on her face was total amazement. "Political games be damned, he treated me with respect to the last." A scowl grew upon her face then. "But I knew I was in trouble when your father came to me in my gilded cage, so smug and self-satisfied, his eyes full of fire and lust—and victory...he dared to hold his ring out before me..." she said with contempt as that moment in time came blazing back to her with full force, "had I not been chained I would have clawed those burning eyes right out of his head and bitten his accursed finger off. I am sure that had Cesare not been away your father would never have been able to do what he did to me."

"Caterina? My father...violated you, didn't he?" Lucrezia said sounding completely broken as she cast her gaze downward in shame.

Caterina took Lucrezia's chin in her hand and tilted it up gently. "He did," she said sadly as she looked into her eyes. Lucrezia thrust herself upon the woman and embraced her mightily.

"I am so sorry," Lucrezia sobbed, "Oh God!" she cried out tormentedly.

"There...is more, Duchess," she ventured with great hesitation.

Lucrezia broke away from her and looked at her in shock. "God in heaven, what more?"

"There was a child, Lucrezia—a boy child, born a year into my captivity..."

"Another Borgia bastard," Lucrezia said bitterly. "And where is this child?"

"I placed him in a convent in Rome. I have paid his stipend all these years, Lucrezia, to assure that he would not be mistreated, but I could not...I couldn't..."

"I understand, Caterina, completely—I have sought solace on more than one occasion behind the walls of a convent. At least you did that for him." Her next words were difficult to form but she found herself incapable of not asking. "Your blood runs through his veins, as well, Caterina...could you not find it in your heart to love him even a little?"

"A son of Rodrigo Borgia, Lucrezia—it was the cruelest punishment, for the child and myself equally," she said with great anguish. "It is so impossible to think, let alone say, that had he been Cesare's, even born of such a vile act, that I would have taken him to my bosom and kept him; shown him that which seems so unfathomable—unconditional love. God in heaven, it is all so very wretched—do you think me insane?"

"No, I do not—I was married to your cousin, remember? And he was so vile to me—a young girl, so unprepared for marriage...and the marriage bed. That my father could so callously give me to such a man and further doom my marriage by making such a spectacle of the wedding, shaming a son of Rome in such a manner, literally in front of God and everyone else, then send me packing away with him! That is what my father did for me," Lucrezia gave a little grunt of disgust. "And how incredible was it, that even after all of that and with even a bit of the passage of time, that Giovanni apologized to me and dared to treat me as a person and a wife, at last, and that I came to love him. And still I betrayed him; shamed him; behind my own actions and also for the sake of yet another wretched alliance arranged by my father. So I know well what it is to suffer cruelly at the hands of a man and hate him with every fiber of your being and be surprised that, even he, is actually capable of real love for you, expressed in your very own life time in the most confounding of ways. And I understand well how you felt about my father—your murderous plots, had any one of them succeeded, would have had me meeting my maker as well, or do you not remember?" The light laughter that had escaped Lucrezia's lips surprised Caterina and brought forth from her an involuntary chuckle of her own.

"Lucrezia!" Caterina smiled at her, just slightly aghast at her forwardness.

"Ah," Lucrezia began with an impish smile on her face, "you laugh only because it is true, Countess. Let us thank God that we are able to laugh about it now, yes?"

"Yes, we have both been through so much. You are a wonder, Lucrezia," Caterina told her warmly.

Again she had said a word that took Lucrezia back to memory of her brother and to their crushing love that, even with his death, refused to be extinguished. Her tone turned somber with her next words to the Countess.

"I know in my heart that Cesare would have never done to you that which my father did, Caterina; he was no saint, but he was a far better man than my father. Then again, my Lady, I am so very biased."

"Lucrezia, what matters now is that we survived them, Cesare and your father—and each other."

Lucrezia died just a little more inside when she heard the word "survive".

"You did the right thing, Caterina. A child has no place being with a parent who has no tangible love in their heart for it. I wish my mother could have had the same insight when Cesare and I were born. But, I digress. Where is he now? What is his name? How does he fare?"

"I...I brought him here with me—he waits to meet you, his real family—his only family. His name is Raphael. I've been feeling bad all of these years; after I heard of Cesare's death...I can't go to hell and not have done at least one truly good thing in my life, even though it will not save my treacherous soul. The boy must know love. I'm sorry that I was not able to show it to him; I'm sorry that I did not make this happen sooner, Lucrezia. That you've brought Lucrezia the younger to court is no surprise; I know how big your heart has always been..."

"I would take all of Cesare's bastards—if only I could find them all," Lucrezia said with a heavy heart.

"Will you let me go and bring him to you now?"

"No...take me to my brother, Caterina, for the honor is mine."


End file.
